There are No bad children, but there are parents who have no knowledge of how to manage their emotional
Good day! My name is Julian. I am the mother of twin girls. We have 2.8 years. I had a great opportunity to re-appear in the vast portal of the mother’s club. Since I am pleased to pass a new lecture series “the School of self-regulation” the psychologist Aliki Sorokina and would like to share, and heard with you.
In the Preface of… what ’s School of regulation”…. Maybe it’s school, about how not to be evil, especially with your loved ones, or is it about how to suppress their emotions at critical moments.
NO! “the School of self-regulation”, can teach us how to become the author of their feelings, how to manage and to own its rich emotional world that it does not own us. ))
This is especially important for women, because if we realize that our emotional world is very rich, we need to know how to manage it. Because we can and do harm, and, thus, damaging relations with the family, especially with a child and a man…
We’re women, of course can vary the art of hiding his feelings. And really believe that it is possible… But no! Warned us at the first lecture. ))
How would qualitatively we would do, sooner or later, Higher power throw us to the situation that serves as the impetus for a splash of Luggage, filled with emotions, anger, nevow, fears..
And the first who can get such a surprise according to statistics, this is the closest people… You guessed it! And it is precisely because there we have the most secure environment. Especially with a child who, no longer able to recognize negative emotions towards my mother for 5 years. And say the same..))
Why we hide our feelings, right?… because, when we want to cry, we understand that you have to explain why we cry. Or when we are angry, it is easier to be hurt and not to Express their true feelings of anger, because we are afraid of the reaction and that people will not change their vision, and the offense easier for us to manage. ))
And there are many different reasons why we suppress feelings. And it is as about negative and positive feelings.
For example, perhaps in your childhood, did not allow the girl to Express a feeling of anger, because according to certain stereotypes – good girls don’t get angry as much and not get angry… Well, real boys don’t cry and never be afraid… So we was taught from childhood that there are negative feelings and their need to suppress.
But there is a big difference in the principles of self-regulation and suppression of feelings!
When we suppressed feelings, they simply accumulate and eventually manifested, either in the form of disease, or emotional outbursts on close or weak.
Girls, and now the thought that they put me in shock. Where there is love, there is always a negative feeling . Here this relationship. But with a child we have the strongest love, and the strongest negative feelings. Occurs a modest question, where do we get such strong feelings are born. In principle, from our expectations . We often ask the child what he is not able to give at his age.
For example, going home from work we have already presented a picture of how the rest lying on the couch watching TV.
First, we already have the expectation that prevents us to present a simple picture that when he got home, a small child will require mom’s attention, and if the mother is angry, the child will manifest in behavior. Further, oil painting..
Because in the parent-child relationship, it is very important to release feelings. Because when the parent is angry, the child understands that it is not like. And for the child it is important to know that he is loved.
We tell you the truth, too, think that there is no love, when we are angry. This is because born, our inner child.))
In General, in the parent relationship is very important to have the maturity, i.e. to normalize their emotions.
It is also important in parenthood will learn to show their love.
Make loving yourself is impossible. Girls, the feeling of love is given to us from God.
But negative emotions arise when there are unreasonable expectations. Because negative emotions are born from the mind. Remember the work of A. S. Griboedov “Woe from wit”. So, it seems this is the case. And here everyone is the blacksmith of his own happiness.
Expectations are of three types:
1. Expectations from external reality (from the external environment, waiting for something to happen);
2. Expectations from other people (in the parent relationship is the maximum of manifestations);
3. Expectations about themselves (it’s the expectations that are imposed upon us by society and family).
In General, realizing that all of these species, and to understand what our Cup of negative feelings already filled..
So was born the sense, what are the forms of manifestation:
1. Express immediately – scream ” emptied his Cup of feelings;
2. Suppressed their negative emotions, I think it’s safer, and you will cease to love;
3. Expressed in a socially acceptable form, to the point where it emerged.
Third, the most correct variant of the expression of feelings. Because, it will not affect our relationship.
But how to do this correctly, we will talk in future lectures.))
The first case is dangerous because for example a child, even though we do not reciprocate, but will accumulate much and he will remain in nutria.
In conclusion of this blog, you can add the spoon of tar in a barrel of honey. All that the child has accumulated in childhood by reading our world, will then be exhibited in adolescence, in the first instance to us. It may be love, anger, and indifference. And remember that if a parent is angry, the child understands that there is no love…