Is it possible to waive punishment in raising a child?
Punishment in parenting is a touchy subject. On the one hand, punishment as a method of education has existed since ancient times – in fact, it’s proven development of national pedagogy. The other – world pedagogy now wants maximum freedom for the individual child and providing him with all possible rights, and punishment in this concept fit with difficulty. So how to find “middle ground”? Versed on unusual female!
Parenting without punishment: whether to strive for it.
Modern pedagogy literally before our eyes change age-old ideas about the role of the child in the family. If before the child was perceived, in fact, a person is “inferior” – it was not customary to take his opinion into account, was considered absolutely normal to force a child to do something he doesn’t want, and actually “sculpt” from such a person, is what parents want, and almost any way, now everything has changed.
Current child psychologists and pedagogical science luminaries consider a child of any age as a man endowed with the same rights . that and adults.
Examines the features of the child’s psyche, and the gradual rejection of authoritarian methods of education, based on the sole decision of parents or teachers on this subject can read, for example, a book, Kathryn Kvols “Parenting without punishment”). In many countries juvenile justice that considers punishment as illegal actions .
So many parents set themselves a noble goal – to give up punishment at all !
And… Well personally I have never seen a family that it really would have worked . Because of the theory – theory, but in reality to keep the child from large or very stupid ones intimate conversations sometimes impossible!
Punishment as a method of education
If you haven’t decided to completely abandon punishments in education, we should consider – what penalties are real pedagogical benefit and which are likely to cause the child psychological trauma . The website “Beautiful and Successful” wants to help you deal with this difficult dilemma!
How to make constructive punishment ?
Follow a logical chain of “cause and result” . That is, ideally, the punishment should be a natural result of the wrong actions of the child . teased the cat – she scratched, not when homework is done, got a bad score, soiled pants – went to school in a dirty (or went to visit a friend, because there is no clean), etc. If direct negative consequences for the child in his misconduct is not, and should be educational to teach him a lesson, at least associate the punishment with the cause. For example, I played too long in computer games – let “work out” time expired on the following day some useful things around the house, deliberately broke the toy is not new for any long time, etc.
Do not make the punishment on the principle of “might is right”! Banned physical punishment, and punishment is based on the impossibility of the child to achieve the desired effect a young age and weakness – for example, hide a favorite toy back where he won’t be able to get it.
Give voice to the cause of the punishment and why it is such . not “I’m an adult, I’m your mother and I decided so – so, so be it”, and “You did something, and that’s a pity/shame for you/interfere, etc. So I don’t want to help you now/to please you/fix you made, you should be held accountable for his actions!”.
Don’t punish the children for what they do not understand or otherwise interpret. Many childish and silly hide very serious and logical motives: I wanted to know what thought will turn out quite differently, wanted to achieve something, but not out, etc. So let’s talk and find out what the child wanted and then decide whether to punish or not!
Do not humiliate the child’s punishment. Whatever he did, the punishment should not show disregard for the dignity of the child and his feelings. For example, can be humiliating public punishment – when friends, peers. A small child can symbolically slap, but for the older this will be a very offensive attitude as a kid.
The “right” punishment – a demonstration of their grief, resentment and other emotions from the act of the child . and change in your relationship. This principle is based on the simple sentence – “I won’t talk, I’m offended!”. More helpful hints read our article “How to scold a child.”
How to hold back and avoid all the unnecessary punishments in education?
I think most parents who read the above, agree with the website and even try to punish children that way, “by the rules”! But sometimes in all families is such that the child simply does something “out of spite”, “out of spite”, and in a fit of anger the Pope grasping at the straps, and mom scream at her child!
So the key is for parents to learn how to control his anger on the child.
And to consider whether in this case the punishment for the child’s motivation not to do so in the future, or he sullenly’ll do half an hour in the corner and be grounded in the idea that we need to be even more mean and hateful?
After all, the purpose of punishment in the proper education – not just to “train” the child not to do a particular action because of the fear of being punished again, and show him that his negative actions involve interrelated, negative for the child.