Do I Need a love break?
Sometimes relationships come to a standstill, and the two decide to break up at the time. decided to figure out what is behind the phrase “let’s rest a little from each other”. Do not aggravate whether a temporary break situation? Or, perhaps, conversely, it is only going to save the relationship?
I’ve had enough!
Frequent quarrels, clashes, accusations, misunderstanding . which only increases with time, perhaps, the most common reasons why a couple decides to separate. At some point we realize we need to give yourself and your spouse the opportunity to cool off and think about possible errors and reasons for this situation.
French family psychologist Alain Delorme (Alain Delourme) argues: in this case the separation is the most reasonable way to solve the problem . Instead of yelling, “We can’t understand each other! We’re not right for each other!” and loudly slam the door, you can just leave on time. Only better to stipulate in advance, for which term you are “going on vacation”, so the holiday period is not delayed…
Anna, 26 years: “we were initially very troubled relationship. Fought constantly, I tried to talk, but he clammed up, saying the traditional “don’t get brain”. One day, when I finally managed to speak, he offered to give him some rest. I agreed, especially because myself tired… unfortunately our vacation didn’t match: I was ready to return after a week, and he was gone for almost a month… then the relationship gradually came to naught”.
Timeout take when the further course of the relationship is impossible or unclear . Psychologist Natalia Bondareva says: a break in the relationship of a young couple, in which there are no conflicts, can be motivated by the desire to finally determine for themselves their meaning. To ask the question: “was That real feeling or just a habit to be together?” Sometimes it’s an experiment before making a serious decision – to leave or to register the relationship.
Olga, 24 years: “Once a young man broke up for a month by mutual consent. After that, our relationship has only improved! We watched them… Now we know that what we have together is our choice”.
Waiting for a miracle
Psychologists note: before you make such a pause . we must honestly admit what we expected of her. We want thus to delay the unpleasant moment of explanation or indeed want to save the relationship?
The main thing – do not build in vain illusions. “Separation brings us in an ideal situation, says Genevieve of Geneti (Genevieve Djenati), family therapist from France. After the difficult phase of the crisis, some suspended state we again feel the lightness and freedom”. But after the break we may be disappointed: it is likely that we will return to all the same problems that prompted us to such brutal measures as a temporary break. “The disappointment is difficult to overcome. Because it seems that after a temporary separation just like magic itself will be transformed. The separation proved to be beneficial, it is very important to listen to your loved one, to talk openly about problems, to determine what both expect from the relationship “. Only then such a method of recovery from the crisis will contribute to the establishment of relationships.
It really temporary? [ pagebreak ]
It really temporary?
According to research conducted by Genevieve of Geneti (Genevieve Djenati), half of the cases of suspension of a love relationship leading to their complete cessation . Separation, which is delayed for a period longer than three months, gradually brings the love.
Moreover, they often just mask the gap under the timeout, and the reason is basic fear .
Sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann (Jean-Claude Kaufmann) notes the difference in perception of the problem men and women: “Women are more inclined to invest in the relationship and try to revive them, while most men in a difficult situation prefer to leave both the problem and its solution”.
Catherine, 23 years old: “My beloved asked to leave for two weeks, but explained nothing. A month passed and I called. He said he was not ready to return and actually, I should probably give up altogether. After some time he called, apologized for his behavior, said he just chickened out, but together we will not be able.”
Family psychologist Patrick Music (Patrick Estrade) with extensive experience of observation pairs at the stage of temporary separation, recognizes the ambiguity and uncertainty of the situation . On the one hand, the desire to leave on time means that there are feelings that we want to preserve. On the other hand, such a decision may be dictated by fear: people are afraid to look truth in the eye. Music calls it the game of separation.
Marina, 26 years old “I have repeatedly told the men: “let’s break up for a while”, but I at that time was already different. Then followed: “Well wait a second, I’m not ready, I need to think, etc.”. I understand that it’s bad, but just to break up with someone who loves you, just lacked the courage”.
Work on the bugs
What mistakes should be avoided to be temporary became permanent?
“If you break up on his initiative, not:
1. Hold it. Men are like children. If they do not fall, beating the heels into the floor, that behavior is “contrary” to them very peculiar.
2. To help him pack, and painfully sorting in the center of the room, all his stuff, call in the presence of his former lover, to deliberately invite a friend “to celebrate the divorce.” Even if you feel resentment, it is not necessary to behave with the call.
3. To return gifts, especially wedding ring. On the contrary, do everything to emphasize the incompleteness of the situation.
4. Therefore to search the house in search of a lost lipstick (if you go away). Tell me, what else will pick up the remaining items.
5. To say “goodbye” or “goodbye”. The first sounds too weird, second – as a reminder of your addiction. Tell him goodbye, and without tears.
If you chose to inflict the timeout, is not:
1. To leave without explanation. It cuts and makes the situation worse. If you don’t want to burn the bridges, find the right words. For example, the sacramental “I want to be alone” sounds democratic and to anything you do not oblige.
2. To oscillate. It will be like a game of intimidation.
3. To go order to Jack up the price when you return. You lose.
4. To accuse him. Just pack your bags and get. After all, you still hope to get back?”
Even in love we sometimes get tired of each other, feeling an urgent need to be alone with him. But a temporary parting is not just a necessity but an art which you need to master. And if we learn without accusations and insults to leave each other for even one day, we will have a much better chance to save the relationship for life…