Why the child is lying?
Children grow up very differently. A quiet home-year-old girl may be much less adapted to life than a six year old Gypsy kid. And the calmer the child’s life, the less its environment creates a reason to lie, he later realizes this side of psychological reality.
Bottom bracket the beginning of a lie varies somewhere around 3 years. While this is still harmless “liar”. Many psychologists attribute lies with the formation of speech. At the same time you can see the baby, which is simply the question: “Who are wetting their pants. “even before I knew how to talk, poke your finger into mom. “Ay-ay-ay, what a liar!”, tell mom and your child will learn how is what he did. She’s laughing and happy, the son showed the trick, it is growing, evolving, getting smarter! Much better would be to Express confusion and to show I’m upset, you did wrong. But children first lie so hilarious and sweet that parents without realizing it encouraged her. And then indignant looking for matured impudent liar – we haven’t been taught!
What begins with a lie? From a certain age the child begins to copy the behavior of adults, and if the parents are lying, then it will be much more likely to grow the same as they are. And here I should explain what a lie is not always conscious. At least half of unrighteousness in our speech, is actually bypassing the conscious mind. Mom yells from the kitchen “Do now quieter music, my head is killing me!” is unlikely to actually suffers from headaches, which means she lied. So is it any wonder that the next time in response to a request to take out the trash, the child will tell that he has a stomach ache?
What is the use of a child as a tool for lies. Mom calls his boss – a child is ill, please allow me not to come to work. And healthy little boy sits and hears all this. “Tell your aunt that I’m dreaming!”, mom daughter. She doesn’t want to talk with a friend, and ask her daughter to lie – such a small thing….
Lie great read on a nonverbal level. The liar hides the eyes, his breathing more rapid, or on the contrary, he holds his breath. The body tenses and quickens the pulse, people away from the conversation and often turns his back or sideways to someone talking. Children feel great. Having grown up in an atmosphere of lies, they themselves will use the lie as a tool of communication, as it is not seen that model of behavior.
Although baby’s first lie, as a rule, acts as a protection tool. Child get up to mischief and broke a vase. In the room angry mum has resorted. “What is it? Who did this?”. Then the baby falls on the cat. “It’s not me, it’s her!” All! The first pattern of behavior learned. Especially if the “ride”. Smart Mama, in this situation, you could say: “I feel sorry for the vase, and who broke not so important! I think the cat was upset that it happened. You and I will go and buy a new vase”. And short-sighted “spank him” and the cat, and the baby, tell daddy about it tonight. The chain will lead to the fact that the child will not only intimidated and humiliated, but also want better next time to hide the traces of their crimes. Maybe throw the pieces out the window…
Lying becomes a constant companion who is not able to answer for their actions. Once you have started on the path of lies, the child is already hard with her to turn, especially if you like the sword of Damocles hangs the fear of punishment. So there are pathological liars. The student, who on the eve of the controlling lied about the illness of the grandmother, will be forced more than once to talk about her gradual recovery. Perhaps he himself will not be happy, but one lie leads to another.
After all, lying is uncomfortable. The liar has to remember their lies, not to be trapped. Fear of being unmasked spent a huge amount of psychic energy. So with childish years, we are talking about the need to instill in the child a sense of responsibility. It is easier to confess a lie, than years to wear it in. So if you see that the child is humiliated and confused give him a chance in a bloodless way out of the situation. Sorry in advance and give them the opportunity to tell the truth. Do not scold and humiliate the kid. Rest assured, this is a lesson he will remember for a long time. And cruel punishment a sure way to turn a child into a pathological liar.
How to avoid child lie?
Create a family kind of atmosphere in which a lie would not be necessary in principle. If the child knows that parents can trust their secrets, his actions are discussed and adopted, and the punishment is not used as an education tool, we motive to lie may never occur.
Before angrily to stop the deception and bring the liar to clean water try to understand the motives of his act. Even the grave is the other side. For example, eight-year-old Alesha lied to mom that didn’t go for a walk in the Park, and all the time was in the yard. But in the Park Alyosha went after the girl Nastya, which he really likes and if she has not yet gone there, wouldn’t he. Mom knows about the likes of Alesha, but still punishes him. But you could just to talk to my son explaining to him that the future man should be responsible for the friend, to care about her safety and not to go so far.
The child must know that his act doesn’t make him evil. The act may be bad, but not people! Never it is impossible to speculate with such concepts as love is not love. “Get out of here, I don’t like you!” Of course, next time the child wants to embellish themselves to deserve the love of a mother or father.
A large part of children’s lie comes from the desire to prove meaningful to people: “I’m good”. Schoolboy, told lies about the loss of the diary is afraid not only of the wrath of parents, but also accusations of unworthiness. “Here I was an honors student!” – yells the father. And the child feels guilty! And a lie is just a way of psychological defense.
How to stop child cheating?
There are no ready solutions, but if you feel that the child himself is weary of his lies, don’t punish him severely or even silent. Sometimes mercy is a lot better education.
If not weary, so the problem is not a lie, per se. It makes sense to pay attention to the whole value structure of the child, and begin to re-discuss the question: “what is good and what is bad!”.
The lie is the tip of the iceberg and her mindless, authoritarian presecanje, you will want to learn to lie better!
For the education of best fit method of reward and punishment. Kostya ripped jeans and lied, saying that he was bitten by a dog. Mother in anger (she watched through the window as the wretch was hanging on the fence!). But it goes, and then buys new ones. Isn’t it better to say “I know you lied and therefore not buying you a new pair, walk around in the old one. But if you told me the truth, we would have gone and bought new today”. However, new jeans still worth a buy, but later. But if the child next time don’t lie – then how cruel was not his fault – encourage truthfulness and act just discuss.