A Diary of the school of adoptive parents

This spring I visited my first school of adoptive parents. I decided to summarized the information and publish it on the forum specifically for those who cannot visit the PDS (for example, not all regions it is available).

For his countrymen – Volgograd explain: the School of adoptive parents is located. A total of 4 classes. It is useful to attend themselves.

The first lesson was devoted to the following topic:

– The reasons for the adoption of children in substitute families.

– Types of family units and their differences.

– The requirements of the legislation to the candidates.

– Preparing families and communities for adoption of the child (an issue we do not have time to consider on the first day).

I must say: do not be afraid to go to school for foster parents. At least today, the atmosphere was very friendly. The lesson was conducted by the specialist in children’s rights protection and child psychologist. The attitude of the leaders of the group– very correct. Were the agreed rules of conduct for all participants of the seminar:

1. Confedentiality information about the participants of the seminar. The psychologist asked permission to take pictures of our group, but said that the pictures aren’t going anywhere, they will need to do its job.

2. A rule-stop. For example, if one of the participants refuse to answer a personal question, the question no longer allowed to touch, you should not insist on the answer.

3. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion (disputes within the group is prohibited).

We were asked whether we agree to these rules and all agreed.

After that, each of the participants were asked to talk briefly about themselves and their reasons for the adoption. At once I will tell: we had 10 people, names I will not mention for obvious reasons. I can only say we were 3 couples, one married woman, and three unmarried women. No single men there was not, an interesting statistic, right? Of all, only one woman has the adult to the child’s blood, remaining childless. Also a kind of indicator. Apparently, in this country, the adoption is still seen as an extreme step and a method of treatment of childlessness…Sad…

From all of us, one couple has already found her future son and visits him. and the others still were in search of a child. Half of the people in PDS sent to the guardianship, half of sherry.

We were warned that on each of the candidates PDS will make the conclusion about the possibility of being an adoptive parent. I understand that this will be some kind of psychological portrait, but at the conclusion of trusteeship on the possibility of being an adoptive parent, apparently, is not much affected. Because we were told that there were two cases when people in PDS discouraged to refuse adoption because it was obvious that they are not ready. But these people still have children, and after some time returned back to the DR, because psychologically can’t handle.

After that we were asked to fill out questionnaires, which contained questions about our personality, family, parents, the reasons for the adoption of the child in the family, what education methods of encouragement and punishment of children we believe is right, etc. the Questionnaire was issued one per couple. And here I was expecting a surprise in the form of conduct of my dear wife. He started to say that you don’t agree with my parenting style, future children, which I wrote down in columns, then took my pen and form and began to write the answers himself! After that we were approached by a psychologist, began to ask what exactly he disagrees with. I wrote in the column method of punishment is deprivation of pleasures (meaning some material benefit, the type of computer access etc.). And he didn’t understand what I meant. When we were approached by a psychologist, I direct all froze – I think, well, everything! Now because of the difference in views on education we write a negative conclusion – say, another child there, and they already about parenting practices argue! Then I realized that my husband is also nervous. Apparently, he was afraid that I something not so I will write in the questionnaire and we wrapped. And when he gets nervous, gets very “hairy”. But the second part of the lesson, all flattened and I calmed down.I can only say that attending classes together with your spouse allows for a different look for the second half. So who can’t attend the PDS, you can try together with her husband to respond in writing to such questions. You can learn something new about the pious. ))

After that, each person was given a sheet with a list of motives for accepting children into the family and asked to choose from two dozen to three. And arrange them by priority (first, second, third). Motives there are different (infertility, the desire for self-actualization, the desire to expand the family, etc.). I think that every potential parent should take a piece of paper and write three motives for which he wants to take the child. This allows us to look at ourselves.

After that, we were invited to sit in a circle and name their favorite stories and share why we love them so. Then, he offered to look at three of the fairy tale Thumbelina, Pinocchio, snow maiden. All these tales have in common is that their characters are foster parents and foster children.

The results of the analysis of fairy tales were disappointing:

1. Grandparents are blinded from the snow maiden, to have someone like him in my old a glass of water to apply. However, they turned a blind eye to the biological nature of the snow Maiden – sent her out with my girlfriends on a hot day while she didn’t want to. Did not pay attention that in the heat she feels bad that she’s not like other children. Not asked, what would she do with her friends and eventually her accident – she melted away, jumping over the fire.

Conclusion: the motive of adoption were selfish plans of care in old age and freedom from loneliness. But grandparents really like to see the snow maiden was “all” and turned a blind eye to its true nature. Not caring enough, not interested, what would she do in the company of friends. All this has led to sufferers.

2. Papa Carlo was Astragal Pinocchio to earn some money, speaking with a doll at the fair. Then irresponsibly sent him to school, on the way Pinocchio got in with bad company. Pinocchio helped to get out only natural resourcefulness and not caring dad. But! At least Papa Carlo was trying to be a good dad – the last money I bought my son the alphabet. And at the end of the fairy tale Pinocchio repay the good father that does not remove all responsibility for his behavior at the beginning of the tale.

Conclusion: do not think that you will be able to solve any problem at the expense of the child (especially physical). Be vigilant and responsible.

3.With Thumbelina dark story. She grew from a seed that was planted some exalted person. That wanted to play with a child, penraat, potevate in beads. But she has not provided security to have this baby. In the end, Thumbelina is kidnapped by a toad with all the consequences…

Conclusion: the child is not a toy.

Conclusion all three tales: think again, weigh their strength. A child is a great responsibility, you need to consider his needs and interests, to be ready for the lifestyle change. And remember that if you want at the expense of the child solve some of their problems, then you should not hope for it.

After that, we talked about the requirements for adoptive parents, about ways of taking the child into the family, etc. I’m not here for all this to tell, because this information is full of websites. By the way, we handed out brochures on this topic with the articles A. Rugova. Therefore, with such questions it is better to go to the site “to a new family”. There’s a lot of info and she is quite systematic. I just want to add that I discovered in this infe and something new. The fact that guardians, more than the adoptive parents, there is a chance to get under the administrative responsibility for the improper upbringing. For example, if the adoptive parent refuses hospitalization of the child and will treat it at home, it is his own business. And the guardian, in such situatsii, may impose administrative responsibility for the restriction of the right of the child to honey. service.

In General, the result of the class will say – I loved it. Live chat with psychologist on issues of interest – a big plus. In addition, we were told that PDS experts help their graduates in the future – and at the stage of communication with ward, and at the stage of adaptation.

Next class will try to take notes. Girls, I promised to ask experts specific questions and I will fulfill my promise. The topic of the relationship of the child with the bio, adaptation, the story of its origin, the communication of children outside the family (kindergarten, school) – it will all be on the fourth lesson.

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