The effects of divorce on children
Every year in Russia is logged 500-600 thousand divorces, resulting in 400 to 600 thousand children remain with one parent. It is not surprising that the issues of custody of children are a significant factor in Russia as a rule the child remains with the mother), which affects the mental health of children after divorce. In addition, the age of the children is also a key factor affecting their psyche after the divorce. Different age groups of children have different perceptions and experiencing the situation “before”, “during” and “after” the end of a marriage.
Impact of divorce on children aged from eighteen months to three years
At this stage of development, the child is exploring the world in a safe and secure environment. The presence of the mother and father allows the children to become familiar with role-playing features in the family, they begin to imitate adults.
If there are disagreements in the home, conflict between parents, all of which can lead to stress, which will test the child. Small children have no experience in verbalizing their feelings, often begin to show their feelings through excited not controlled behavior. Their imagination is worse than their peers, and they begin to fear that if one parent leaves, the other will follow shortly behind the first, and will eventually leave him (the child) in solitude and danger. Usually this is accompanied by the following symptoms:
Difficulty sleeping bedwetting Nagging Problem with a food Obsession (One of the parents has to be there)
Impact of divorce on children aged three to five years
This stage is generally considered to be the most difficult for divorced parents with children of this age. It is in this time interval, the psychological state of the child as dependent on emotions and emotional background in which it is located. During this period, children are setting and perform his “Napoleonic” plans, fantasize, determine their attitude and Outlook on life.
The March into the garden, or the street – in your own children’s world with their self-concepts, rules, and belief that their parents will be there to protect them if necessary. Also at this time, the parent of the opposite sex becomes more influential, the child begins to feel for him or her innocent sexuality; the child begins to develop a vague notion of the ideal future partner.
Two events at this stage can significantly affect children if at this age the child’s family was in the divorce process. The child’s ego leads him to the belief that it is Central to all that surrounds him, and at the same time beginning to develop a conscience (Super-Ego). These two factors often merging together, resulting in the children believe that they are the cause of the divorce of their parents. Possible reactions to the divorce in this period:
Failure (from food, games, a hike in the garden or the street. )
Vivid manifestation of demonstrative behavior
Impact of divorce on children aged six to ten years
At this age, children strongly identify themselves with their parents, the ideals for building your own sex-role patterns and behavior with others. At this stage children perceive parents as a whole, and if one of them leaves; this signals that the inevitable and speedy withdrawal of the 2nd parent. Children become fearful and anxious, and some may feel cheated, helpless. Children aged six to ten often show signs of autism.
Impact of divorce on children aged nine to twelve years
Children aged nine to twelve, as a rule, characteristic of the existence of black and white morality, with a rigid polarity and multiple shades of grey. Although at this stage the children are looking for external sources to strengthen their self-esteem, they continue to build their self-esteem by observing and communicating with their parents.
If the parents have been breaking the rules of the family, children feel cheated and unpaved. When parents begin to quarrel and the family is in a state of decay; children broadcast on one of the parents the label of “bad” and direct their hostility at him, while the second goes to the label “good”. Although children at this age don’t blame myself for the divorce, they often hope that if parents really love them, they will stay together.
Impact of divorce during adolescence
Adolescence is the longest period of transition, which is characterized by a number of physical changes. At this time there is intensive development of personality, its second birth. Change height and weight accompanied by a change in body proportions. First “adult” sizes grow on the head, hands and feet, then limbs – extended arms and legs – and in the last turn the torso. Intense skeletal growth, reaching 4 to 7 cm per year, outpacing the development of muscles. All this leads to some disproportionality body, teenage angularity. Children often feel at this time, clumsy, awkward.
The manifestation of the teenager in the situation of divorce will be close to the previous stage, he begins to blame somebody. Most likely will choose one parent, and another to Express their grievances. Although it is possible that more protest manifestation, the prosecution 2 parents at the same time, the care of the family, criminal behavior.
Instead of a conclusion
Divorce and its impact on children, of course, a complex issue, its impact can be quite diverse. Of course, it’s silly to say that if a child of five would feel guilty in the destruction of the family, or, if the divorce happens when the child is eleven and he will have problems in relationships with peers. Generally, most children are very stable and their psychological state remains in the norm, however, it is clear that divorce has a negative effect on children and on parents.
The impact and consequences of a divorce depends largely on the level of development of the child, the relations between parents before and after divorce. Remember never speak badly about your spouse to the children and in their presence, don’t make the departed family of the other spouse “enemy of the people”, because from that person when you really wanted a baby. The child is the fruit of your love, even in the past.