how to keep the love between husband and wife
To fall in love, get married, start a family is much easier than to keep all these goods. The love between husband and wife over time is transformed, passing from one stage to another, but the memories of the feeling generated at the first meeting, make you think, if something goes wrong. Marriage is not heavy daily routine and lifestyle, which is kind of broken “family boat”, not caring for my newborn baby and the dangers on the career ladder. The hardest part is continuing every day to choose each other and strive, above all, to give without thinking about how to take. Male, 12 years old have been married, a father of five children, says that he and his wife learned about family relationships and love.
12 lessons learned in 12 years of marriage
Husband, father of four daughters and a son decided to tell about the most important lessons he has acquired over 12 years of marriage.
In 12 years of marriage my wife and I have seen a lot. We got married before I graduated from College. Soon started their first child. I graduated from College. A new child. Two miscarriages. Four more children. When he was born the youngest, we had five kids under the age of 8 years. He owned four houses. Rented a house and an apartment anywhere in between. Had five different jobs with four different companies . Lived in four cities. In many ways life was accelerated.
During these 12 years, we learned a lot – about ourselves, about each other, about the importance of marriage and why he should fight.
We were young, in love and were engaged to be married. When Brooke said “Yes”, we was in his twenties . But all this does not mean that we were ready for marriage. After 12 years, we have learned 12 things about family and marriage, and also about what in fact constitutes the duties of husband and wife.
1. Waiting 5050 lead to disappointment
Some time we considered marriage as a game, a competition. If I do it – you should do this. Meet me in the middle of the field here, do a little more here. If you do 20 things then I’ll do 20 things. This kind of game. But the real work is done when one of you cannot walk to the middle. When you need to go additional mile to another. Maybe the ratio is 90/10, if the spouse is ill or depressed. Don’t look at marriage as the numbers, because they always someone loses.
2. Save the life of adventure
At the beginning of the novel with the Brooke I constantly tried. We made long walks, had dinner by candlelight, I worked hard to win her. When we face years and the commitments I gave the fire between us to die many times. To fight to the fire is not quenched, it is not necessarily a trip to Paris. It may be a surprise outing to a local hotel, suddenly hired a babysitter to free up the evening, or even a handwritten note. Look in your marriage the place for adventure.
3. First – kiss each other
I’m not perfect in this, but I try to kiss Brooke immediately when I get home from work . Before I kiss their children. These small details really are of great importance. For me to be the real father is important, but to be a first-class husband. Otherwise we’ll turn into neighbors who work together to raise children.
4. Shutter speed – this is often the best description for love
It was easy to love Brooke when we were newlyweds. Easy she was to love me in times of comfort. But it is much harder to fight for love, when you lose a child. Or suffer a huge financial setback. Or admit its really disgusting secret. Tales is good for movies, but real life is often confusing, it is chaotic and messy. Be patient, when it becomes difficult.
5. Real life consists of little moments
The birth of a child, buying a dream home… Peaks of joyful and long-awaited marriage. However, most of the day – daily routine. It’s my fault that I missed a lot of little moments while working to implement large. I realized that life is just in these little moments. Now I’m learning to love the journey as much as the destination.
6. The proximity and presence is not the same thing
To come home early to hire a babysitter to go with my wife on a date or even to go on vacation – it’s all great stuff. But to be geographically close doesn’t mean to be closer emotionally. For me, emotional intimacy is instead of constantly staring at your iPhone, look into the eyes of his wife, and instead of perusing the ribbon in social networks to listen to her heart. When you have the opportunity to be together physically be together emotionally.
7. Comparison kills your joy
In an era when people constantly put up on social networks edited facades of their lives, it is easy to feel that your marriage sucks. As if you beat any of the Jones family. When I start to compare our Bank accounts, home, children and marriage with others through a distant lens – I’m a loser. It robs me of joy. There will always be others who have more. Do not play this game.
8. Each of you has the opportunity to quit
We all know marriages that end in pain and not holiday. Divorce is dancing on the 50th wedding anniversary. We are the Brooke understand that there are days when it is much easier to give up than to keep fighting. But every day we continue to choose each other. We remain honest about where we are wrong. Because it’s worth it.
9. Take the initiative in their own hands for the benefit of another
We often in our family discussed whether we are those who give or those who are inclined to take. Do we serve? Or just take and use? I am convinced that it is much better to spend your life, when you serve for the benefit of another.
10. Live surrounded by loved ones and friends
Marriage is complicated and hard, but at the same time, it is beautiful and worth it. When you live in isolation, there is always the temptation to give up. But when you are surrounded by family and friends who know about your strengths and struggles, you feel constant support.
11. Will you forgive me?
Let’s face it: in marriage we are unfair to each other more often than are willing to admit it. We lie in salvation, we forget about important dates, we get angry. Instead of transferring the blame or shirk responsibility, ask: “will You forgive me?”. So your marriage becomes stronger. This is the question a lot more than “I’m sorry”, leading to reconciliation.
12. Love wins
The list of lessons is endless. I have not touched on such things as honesty, the need to carve out time for appointments and to emphasize the strengths of your partner. But all the lists in the world will not strengthen marriage as much as it will make love. In the end, love wins. She conquers all. It eliminates doubt. It helps to cope with fear. She pushes to do great things. Love wins.